Friday, March 26, 2010

Baby, are you coming home tonight?

Me? I'm gone. I'm so far gone that I don't know if I was ever here. I'm not as far gone as I've been in the past, but I'm far enough to now where ever the fuck I am, I'm content.

I'm alive. I'm stumbling. I'm disconnected. I'm working. I'm trying to fix myself.

I'm not crying. I'm not complaining. I'm not looking for you mother fucking sympathy.

Sometimes, I feel disconnected. I don't feel like I'm a part of anything. I feel as though the world exists around me, and I'm forced to watch and damned to never participate. I usually don't get this feeling often, but the past couple of days have been hellish.

I don't know if it's because I miss Chris. I don't know if it's because I haven't decided what I need to do about school. I don't know what the fuck is going on in my head.

I have the ability to think about more than one thing at a time, and sometimes it confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know how I feel... about anything.

I just know that I want to feel like a part of the world. Like my existence is important.

In short, I'm drunk as a mother fucker right now, and nobody else is home.

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